Intimacies of a Vagina

ericlawpoetry.wordpress.com

Source: http://ericlawpoetry.wordpress.com/2013/02/15/intimacies-of-a-vagina/

Long ago before homosexuals were all in our faces about it;

A time where GAY was a happy word according to the dictionary.

Ok things have changed so let me introduce myself and my stance-
I am the guy who hates gay rights but won’t agree to the killing of another human.
It is quite a condensed issue so I will present this in sub-topics

Sub-topic1: Hookers Are Not Extinct

My stance: I do not support prostitution
Well I think prostitution should have been legalized by now. Why the heck is the government still holding back on that? I was a kid when I had to write an article on the legalization; I am surprised after more than a decade whores cannot really go pro because the government won’t even give it a thought.
Oh, all of a sudden gay persons think they need to protect their rights and worst of all their shit should be legalized. How about the street-corner entrepreneur who works for money? I am for any prostitute in Ghana since they would have be paying taxes if their cause was supported well (but my religion won’t allow me to). Then the CEOs and PIMPs would have been generating cool income for the country to support other dark but rather expensive jobs.
Gay people, please do not make this about you because so many important things are there for the country to fight for and promote. Two adults who want to practice sodomy is ok, if that’s what I am gathering. Oh so now you vampires want to publicly out-door yourselves because you have rights better than the whore?!
Yeah, you should not be tortured or killed; but just be gay and shut the fuck up like what the whores are doing (after all they are getting money for what is not a lifestyle or decision of sexual orientation).
I think prostitutes are actually the people to be talking of protection of human rights because if they become legal workers, they will also have better protection against crazy clients, potential killers and rapist, work harder as night-workers and we can talk about GDP in a different way. Then again, I am not even in support of prostitution (because let’s face it, I am not holy, but sin or moral deviance is just not right)

Sub-topic 2: Madam And Eve?

My stance: It is Adam and Eve
My body is a temple of God. Well, Adam and Eve were hiding because they realized they were naked (exposed genitals). They knew they were of different physique and understood and respected the intimacies of the vagina. Okay, here we are, the central part of this piece.
The sex organs are made in aesthetically beautiful opposite ways (in terms of functional orientation). The penis at two different instances will bring out either urine or sperms; the vagina either urine or vaginal fluid. Here is the interesting part; whereas the penis is for penetration (by virtue of the fact of its shape), the vagina is made to receive (penis during intercourse) and bring out (baby during child-birth). One body-part that can both receive and bring out things is the mouth (food and vomit respectively), the nose too (but it’s air in air out). Now the cool thing about the sex organs is that, unlike the mouth and nose, they are not the same in appearance so far as gender is concerned (but mysteriously located at the same place). The vagina does an extra thing by bringing life into existence; hello, the penis only enters and cannot be entered. Vagina is boss!
Ok, moving on, a normal (straight) person is not tagged with sex, and we do not care whether someone has sex or not; but a gay person is identified with a sexual behavior (so you are only gay when we know you are having sex with your fellow gender). I’m not gay so no one cares whether or not I’m having sex, a virgin, celibate or whatever. But as soon as we know someone is gay, then the sex factor comes in. The only human right gay people have is they are to be treated as innocent humans (when we find out they are gay); they do not deserve to be tortured. But then again, homosexuals have no right to parade the country fighting for their activities to be made normal. Like I said earlier, prostitutes actually deserve to have a legalize profession first; then ganja too should be legalized, because honestly, they deserve the right to smoke themselves out without being arrested. I think homosexuals should give it a rest now.
No. Seriously sodomy? Now the anus, unlike the vagina, it is biologically made to only bring out shit; no entry! Biology teaches me there is nothing like clitoris or any sex-sensitive related tissue in the excretory system. Let’s admire science now. The internal anal sphincter (in the asshole) coordinates muscular activities in there so we do not poop ourselves when it’s not time to. It works one way keeping shit in, so when something keeps pushing the muscles in consistently, the muscles become weak (hence diapers for men).
Man and another man who are in love; zero chastity level. Dude, you don’t know wtf you are missing (literally too). As pre-martial sex may not be okay (according to your religion or beliefs), I say VAGINA IS BOSS!!!

Sub-topic 3: Prospects In Marijuana

My stance: Weed is the least of my worries
Weed, scientifically Cannabis sativa (common); used for seed and seed oil, fibre, other medicinal purposes and also as a recreational drug. Nevertheless, it is socially considered as a psychoactive drug (so recreation here won’t be very necessary). I won’t give a history of the plant, neither will I talk about the conditions you must be in or where you should be to used pot freely.
I boldly say pot should be legalized! Don’t get me wrong, I do not smoke, but don’t you think you are infringing on a person’s right not to smoke? Don’t you think smoking consequences are equivalent to drinking consequences? But liquor is legal; see the fancy commercials on TV. Don’t you think marijuana is less of liquor and and less of cigarette? At least it can also have a health warning like: INDIAN HEMP IS HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH, SMOKE RESPONSIBLY. Then I will come up with a TV commercial, Boss Weed; fly high with the birds…
For some time, my ears have become a biological water-closet; I hear shit! The government is in a strange speculation now; should homosexuals have the social right to behave as such? That kind of thought never crosses their mind when it comes to marijuana (which comparatively is not a crime).
It gets interesting so follow me. Smoking weed is wrong socially; homosexual activities, also wrong socially. I am not comparing height here, but a smoker smokes where and when he likes (privately or socially), and he is not even fighting for his right to please himself anymore because he needs no right to smoke. I am not promoting the use of hard-drugs, but if you want to be gay, just be your gay whiles you don’t worry anyone about making your act public.
I am a baby entrepreneur, an agricultural scientist and an artist; so creatively, I think if marijuana one day becomes legal, there would be great prospects in pot-farming with already-advanced wee-hydroponics, biotech for good varieties, good package for export and sales as raw and consumable products. Then good cause to claim international merchandising rights. Wee farmers will be so happy since there will be ready market, wee sellers and stakeholders will all enjoy,,, and the bastard government will be dancing with another source of income, the Agriculture sector will have yet another product to help increase it’s percentage in the GDP. Seriously, homosexuals have nothing to offer- not even the future!

Sub-topic 4: Family’s Future Lies in Your Hands

My stance: Let’s discontinue ‘children’ since ‘gays’ have a future
On the walls on the urinal of my senior high school was written, ‘your family’s future lies in you hands. LOL? Yeah, I saw it when I was half-way through and yes, it was lying in my hands. Beliefs and science and all? There is no religion in the world that does not notice there is something wrong with us. The human race is in a peril, no matter what evil plan we devise every day. What I know is, God wanted us to multiply upon the surface of the earth. And even if you take your stance you do not believe in God, you certainly do not want you race to dry out (because honestly, science cannot produce all-man or all-woman race to satisfy a single-gender world). Let our bodies be clean temples of God; stay alive and healthy, do all possible good to stay happy. Sincerely, I do not write to offend anyone, but WTF, we cannot have lesbian and gay people trooping in and out of public places freely as themselves, while other lifestyles considered dark for ages are still in hiding.
So I write this, stopping the gay ideology of our slim society  Activation of another socially degrading activity; eventually we will accept every negative thing. With the introduction of oil and more gold and other natural resources, I think more thoughts should go into trying to secure jobs for the nation, instead of creating lazy fucks with no possible future. My luck is with a dark damsel; slender legs that walks elegantly, firm breast and sweet lips with kisses of smiles. If the future can beat the possible sex like that, I think gay people should shut the fuck up!

Friendzone of Life, Existence and Destiny || Be a Man, Man

Source: http://miabaga.com/p/friendzone-of-life-existence-and-destiny-be-a-man-man/

The FZ is like the forbidden forest.

I’d been hearing about it since I was a kid. It’s this really incredible place where you’re condemned to hearing about the shenanigans of other guys from this object of your lustful (or maybe not so lustful) affections. And you simply will never hit that. In this life or the next. So you’re there for her. You doo things for her, in the hopes that one day, one day corruption will stop in Nigeria. Wait what? What am I talking about? Sorry! In the hopes that one day a flock of pigs will fly and give you good luck. Ugh sorry again! I got carried away. Well you get the idea.To be really honest, there’s nothing wrong with the friend-zone (I hear 2pac and Biggie live there together). Everybody needs a friend.  But nobody wants to be a victim of un-requited lust. I’ll tell you a small story. There’s no man without at least one of these stories. I don’t care who you are; Casanova or Don Quixote, you’ve taken a left turn and landed in the FZ. Back to the story; so I was this gangly teenager in my freshman year in College. There was this really hot girl in my class that was the end-all, be-all of my fantasies. God was she hot (let’s forget that I saw her recently and she was frumpy as my grandma’s prom dress). She was friends with my cousin who was also in freshman class. So the “in”, was easy. We hit it off immediately. Had her laughing in 10 seconds flat. I’m feeling you, I said. She had a boyfriend, she said. She handed me my tenancy agreement; I like you, I want you around. You know, in my life. She was nice enough to say at least. I signed that tenancy agreement in blood, man.

I won’t go into all my travails in that forbidden forest but I’ll share the event turned around my life as a wussball. It was summer-heatwave hot. We were trying to get off-campus and there was no student transport for some reason and we had quite a distance to trek to get out of the campus and find alternative transport. I wasn’t given to such a torturous walk. Landlady was insistent and so I agreed. I mean who argues with their Landlady. Besides, it meant more time with the object of my affection. We were half-way through this long walk when she got a call. It turned out to be one of ‘toasters’ she rolled her eyes as she picked. I chuckled what a sucker. As they talked he pulled up right next to us. Jump in, he said. And she did, without second thought. She had told me he was a scumbag that only wanted to jump her bones. Sleaze-bag she had called him and such. Who was I to judge? It was respite. Then I tried to open the backseat door. Lol. It was locked. The window came down, and the cold room A/C blew onto my skin. Lord. I’ll see you later, WS, she said. Mwaah.

Yes, mwaah. I was halfway through a one mile walk I didn’t want to take and all I had for a companion was a Mwaah. Unicorns died in my heart, bro.

Hahahaha. In retrospect, it’s funny as hell. And I’m laughing hard as I type this. But lord. Sweat mixed with tears, my brother, so I trudged. Let’s get back to you. You’ve been or are in that forbidden country, let’s help you find your way home.

1. Be honest from the get-go. Yes You want her. Don’t be creepy about it, but be honest. You want to hit that. Simple. As an example, I’ve said these exact words to a young woman before. “Hi, my name is WS, I think you just might be hot enough for me to, against all odds, fornicate with you. Come with me please” let’s forget that she was a total blonde and I had to explain the biblical concept of fornication to her. But oh fornicate, we did. The idea is to lay your cards out from the get-go so there are no misconceptions. True, nobody wants to be the pervert that tells a woman his real intentions (Girls want to have fun, guys want to f–err play scrabble ). But it’s what you want anyway! Why lie about, and hide it?

2. This should actually be rule number one. Establish the framing. In fact in all your dealings with women, this should be your Bible and Torah and Tasbih. Let me explain. We live in a society where the frame is toward the feminine imperative. How? The heroes in most stories are working hard to please/win the affections of some woman some where. Django went through all of that BS, not for a bag of gold but to meet his Brumhilde. Explains why his D is silent, in my quiet opinion. There’s the Prince in Snow White who slayed dragons and shii just to kiss a comatose woman. It goes on and on. Most guys want to get rich so they can get all the beaches they want, really. It’s the sad fact. Back to her. She’s used to guys jumping through hoops to be with her. Some splash money, some splash lyrics. Just so she can choose them. No, break that. You chose/choose/will choose her. In as subtle a manner as possible, you need to reverse the onus of choice to you. So you’re the one who decides whether or not y’all are getting together or not. So if you’re friends, let it be that it so happened because you caused it to be so, not as an incidental occurrence. 3. Kill your scarcity mentality. This ranks right up there with number 2. Most guys act like if they don’t get a particular girl, they will literally drop to the ground and die. She’s hot or worse, she’s a great girl and you fell in love. In the words of the Yoruba people, yeekpa. Big deal. You’ll find another if she doesn’t jell. You meet a girl, you want her, she doesn’t want you. Sorry sah, okay bye. There will be others. If you live to be hundred, you’ll meet hundred women for every year you’ve lived. You’ll score with 20% depending on how persuasive you are. 20 hot women a lifetime is better than dying at the FZ altar. You’re a prize, my man. You need to remember that. There are too many wuss-balls in this life for you not to be the special one. It’s the unfortunate fact but you will always find women that will proverbially jiggle your golf-balls.

4. Realize that not every cat should be tamed. You can’t eat everything that passes by your table, they say that where I’m from. Even Casanova didn’t score with every single woman he pitched his scam to and neither will you, when you’re not Lucifer Star of the morning. Of all the women in the world, there will be sisters, mother, aunts and cousins; everybody else is free-game. I kid, but you get the idea.  5. So you took a wrong turn. Pamparannn. Friendzone alert. No need to fret. Go Code:Black. You already have enough friends, cut your losses and pitch your tent elsewhere. There are no hard feelings. It didn’t work, Collect $200 and Go. You’re not a hero, Don’t try to be Cap’n Save-a-farming-implement.

6. Be a dog to catch a dog. She’s a bad beach? Don’t be Snoop Lion. Be Snoop Dee-Oh-Double-Gee. Here’s what I mean. I’ve been with women long enough to have gotten many behind-the-scenes looks at so many things. I’ll tell you this one secret for free. One word: Dual-Signals. You know how you’re in the friendzone and you pull off some Covert ops moves and toss some hints, like pokeballs? She saw them, she just neutered them. Oh he’s just a friend. And those small signals she sent that you thought were the holy grail? She put them there, to feed you. They are little enough to excite you into sticking around but not enough to promote you from the FZ. She doesn’t want to swallow your Michael Phelpses, but she’s telling you about what a lame lay Chinedu is and how she needs someone more capable. WTF? What am I saying? Use the doublespeak women so unconsciously use. So from get-go, tell her: I find you hot (instead of saying you’re hot. Remember the framing). I’m going to fvck you (and not I want to. Framing again). Randomly hold her at arm’s length, and peruse her like you would precious jewellery. Say to her: Hmmn, if you weren’t trying so hard to jump my bones you’d actually make a good friend. When she gasps at your effrontery, kiss her. Hard.

In the end, the FZ is what you make of it. Mine is a reserve-bench of sorts. For me, it’s the I-can’t-get-round-to-you-right-now-waiting-lounge or I-used-to-fvck-you-but-can’t-right-now-so-chill-here room. You probably don’t even have one right now, do you? It’s why you end up there in the first place.

Thank me later.

WS